savage advice on election 04 & the next four years

Dan Savage’s 11/10 column advises us to enjoy our urban islands and hold out for midterm elections, being grateful that the Republicans will have no one else to blame but themselves.

If that doesn’t work:

But, hey, if this cold-comfort analysis is wrong, SSF, if we all live to regret the gay marriage issue coming to a head, rest assured that all the dykes and faggots out there will pay a high price for it.

What he said.

Dear Dan: I am sunk into a depression over the election results. Skip the sex for a week or a few weeks. I need advice on how to get through a second Bush term. — A Freaked Fan

Before I get to how we’re going to deal with four more years of this shit, here’s the really hilarious thing about last Tuesday for me personally: … [W]e finally found a nice little three-bedroom … and finally signed all the papers on … Tuesday, November 2, 2004. It was noon and we couldn’t have been happier — we not only found a house, but exit polls had Kerry coasting to victory. Ah, the gay American dream — a boyfriend, a kid, our own home, and a Democrat headed to the White House.

Then 24 hours later we were wishing we never found that fucking house. Because now — right now, as I write this, the day after the election — we can’t picture ourselves staying in this country. I know, I know — lots of liberals, lefties, queers, actors, and musicians threatened to leave the country if George W. Bush won in 2000. Very few of us left. Why? Because Bush actually didn’t win the election. Knowing that Bush stole the election, I was able to look my fellow Americans in the eye and think, shit, we didn’t elect this guy. But he didn’t steal it this time; this time the asshole actually got elected. That changes things.

… Provided we don’t all leave, here’s how we get through a second Bush term: For at least the next four years, American lefties, artists, and queers should not consider this land our land; it is not a land of opportunity that spreads from sea to shining sea. No, we live on a chain of islands, an archipelago, not a continent. Sane people live on our islands — New York, San Francisco, Denver, Seattle, Portland, Madison, Austin, Boston, and on and on, basically all the cities, in red states and blue, that voted for Kerry — and we may not be the majority right now, and it may feel like sea levels are rising, but, hey, we own all the best real estate. We’ve got the cities, the Northeast, the Midwest, and West Coast. And what have they got? The Wal-Marts, the West Virginias, the Alabamas, the McMansions, and the mega-churches. Fuck ’em. Let ’em have that crap. We’ll fight the fuckers in two years during the midterm elections and take back Congress. And we’ll take ’em on again in four years and take back the White House. In the meantime, enjoy island life.

Dear Dan: I can’t believe that you fucking faggots could fuck it up for everyone like this. If you faggots had just waited until after the election to start getting married, then we wouldn’t have to put up with George W. Bush and Republican control of both houses of Congress. When they take away my grandmother’s Social Security to pay for the invasion of France, I’m going to point my finger in your face and say, “You helped this happen.” — Stupid, Stupid Faggots

I hear you, SSF. And while we’re apportioning blame for the current fucked state o’ the nation, let’s not forget all those stupid, stupid African Americans who fucked up the Democratic lock on the south by launching the civil rights movement. Jesus, we’d have a Democratic Senate right now if it weren’t for them! Remember what LBJ said when he signed the Civil Rights Act of 1964? “We have lost the South for a generation.” Wrong! The Dems wound up losing the South for two, three, four, or more generations. All because selfish blacks wanted to vote, get educations, and sit wherever they damn well pleased on the bus.

Look, the gay marriage issue and the anti-gay marriage amendments brought the knuckle-draggers to the polls, for sure, can’t deny it. But one day Dems might thank us homos for this — the only consoling argument out there now is that the Dems dodged a bullet by losing this election. Iraq is a mess, the economy is a mess — the next four years are going to be an ugly shitstorm. If Kerry had been in the White House, the Republicans and their media attack dogs would have pinned it all on the Dems. With Bush in the White House and the Rs still in control of Congress, they have no one to blame but themselves.

But, hey, if this cold-comfort analysis is wrong, SSF, if we all live to regret the gay marriage issue coming to a head, rest assured that all the dykes and faggots out there will pay a high price for it.